what happens when you don't fit in as a Republican or a Democrat?

I never considered myself a bleeding heart liberal but I guess I am when it comes to social issues. I'm more moderate when it comes to fiscal issues. But before I go on I'd like to take this time to make a PSA

There are more than 2 parties in the United States presidential race. You do NOT have to choose Reps or the Dems.

With that in mind I decided to investigate my other options. I cannot support either McCain (too conservative especially with his running mate) nor Obama (not liberal enough- I'm disappointed in his stance on gay issues amongst other things). So I took a test. One of those plot yourself on the political pie chart thingies. In one test I came out a socialist on the other a Libertarian.

So off I went to Bob Barr's site for the Libertarian ticket. Too conservative in some areas (oil drilling, border closing, health care) but just right in other areas (Iraq war, privacy rights, foreign intervention, marriage rights). The rest of the areas I'm undecided on whether I agree with him or not.

After checking out the socialist ticket I've decided I can't go there.

I'm on to the Green Party Candidate. I like this one. I like it because I agree with their entire platform. I like the fact that it is a return to a true democratic state which I really don't think we have right now.

The neighbors are crazy

I've got crazy neighbors. Huge shocker right? There's a crazy on every block so by the luck of the draw we've got THE ONE right next door.

Here's some background. When we were in escrow for our house we received a letter from the potential new neighbors. This letter informed us that our house sat on the property line and that if we did any work to the side of the house facing theirs that we must provide 2 weeks notice, proof of insurance for whomever was to do the work and the written promise to replace with the same age and size any plants damaged by any work done.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

We thought it was a bit anal but otherwise chose to ignore it. We weren't doing any work to the house that would require access to their yard anyway.

Fast forward to we purchase the house. One week after the purchase is finalized the neighbor man is outside trimming his tree. My husband walks up to him, introduces himself and says we just bought the house. The neighbor turns his back to my husband and says 'congratulations'. No handshake no nothing.

We don't move in for 4 months after the purchase because we were having work done inside. The town I live in is pretty anal about work without permits but we did it anyway because the work was inside and we weren't doing anything major.

Guess who called the city on us? Mr. Friendly. That's who.

The City shows up looking for permits. We were only having the water heater replaced on that day/ how gets permits for that? We do apparently. 600$ worth. According to the contractors Mr. Friendly came over several times when neither my husband or I were around asking for proof of insurance from the contractors. Our contractors told him they wouldn't show him because it didn't effect him. Essentially the work was contained within our property so why should he be so freaking nosy?

Then we had our yard in the back redone and he stood on his side of the fence watching and trying to talk to the Mexican laborers who didn't understand a thing he said. I thought that was funny.

All the while this man has been working in his house next door without permits. I know he doesn't have them because I live in a small town and the City posts everyone's permits online. I check on him whenever I hear banging. Sure enough, no permits associated to his address.

His background:
He and his wife own the property next to us and the one next to that as well as both lots directly behind those properties. This means they own 4 lots between 2 streets. His wife grew up in the house directly next to us. Apparently her mother died in it and when she did the wife stated that no one would ever live in it again. It's been empty since we've been there and according to the other neighbors for much longer than that. They tinker in it ever weekend. They come out and take care of the lawn 3-4 times per week. There is always banging, sawing and painting going on. And all with no permits. Oh, I've been tempted MANY times to call the city. But what it comes down to is that I have better things to do with my time.

What makes them either super weird OR super dumb (or both) is that they are sitting on a goldmine. They own 4 properties in the Bay Area! That is potential huge income opportunities. But maybe they should be commended for their non-greediness.

They yell at the neighborhood kids who wander onto their lawn or up to their front door. No one lives there mind you but they like yelling about keeping off their property.

It's creepy and weird the way they keep the house but don't allow anyone in it. In my more fanciful ponderings I imagine the house is just like grandma left it. Food set out on the table, bed made, towels hanging in the bath maybe a pie in the oven. Oh, I know it isn't true, now. It was only recently that they began keeping drapes open, if even for jut 10 minutes. On these rare occaisions I get a glimpse inside of the bareness of it.

Then last weekend the amazing happened. They started showing the house to potential renters.

Pause for shock and awe.

Is this really happening? Can it be? I watched as people came in and out of the house. Then this morning it happened. A moving van drove up. Out came 3 ladies and a baby. Then it was over.

Yelling and commotion from the back of the house. Then the lady with the baby comes to the front and just stands there. My husband asks her if she's moving in and she says 'I guess not. Thought we were but the landlady is freaking out. yelling at us and accusing us of all sorts of things. I don't need this drama so we're not taking the place.'

We left for work.

I can't wait to get home and see if they did move in or if they didn't. All I'm left with is a big wtf..

My list

I like making lists on paper. I emphasize the paper part because as much as I've tried to get into technology I just prefer writing things on paper and not on a pda or computer. I wish this blog was pen and ink to be honest.

The pen has to be just right. Black ink. I fine line but not TOO fine. A dark line with no skips and ink blots. Smooth. The paper obviously contributes to this. I like paper. glossy smooth paper is my favorite but it's hard to come by. I like the way ink flows on to newsprint paper and in composition books.

Here's my list.

• Knit that baby sweater BEFORE the baby gets here (acknowledge that said sweater is in fact the very same that was started for the other kid 2 years ago. Hey, at least I've a head start)
• Spend half an hour a day on Italian
• Learn Unix - actually pay attention and absorb it don't just cheat off the internet (though it's tempting)
• Be social at least once per week (acknowledge that I tend to self absorb and become kid centric often losing myself and as a result friends)
• Join some sort of group or activity in something that I enjoy and actively participate in it to make new friends
• Realize that dinners do not have to be elaborate. There is no need for me to work 8 hours a day, pick the kid up from school, set her in front of the tv, proceed into the kitchen where I spend an hour making a full dinner. Week night dinners MAY be simple
• So something about my stocks. Stock market is crap but I could be doing better if I actively managed my account
• Spend less time staring at the idiot box
• Spend more time appreciating the little G because one day she'll be all grown up
  
• Video tape the mini G more. She's 3 and I have a grand total of 45 minutes of video. I'm more of a still camera opportunist but still...
• Print pics. I've thousands on my computer and maybe 20 of G actually printed
• Make that Sicily photo album. You know. The one of the trip we took in May 2007. Those pics are probably still on the camera..
  
• Take at least half an hour a day to my self

this is my now list. It'll probably change tomorrow.

At one point are you Irish?

I work with a guy who was born in Ireland but his parents were born in China. I would call him Irish because he was born there and is a citizen. Another co-worker refers to him as 'Chinese' because that's his heritage.

I'm of Irish heritage too but I was born (as were 3 generations of my family) in the U.S.. I call myself American (even though I'm embarrassed by it in these recent times).

I say that if you're born in that country that is what you are. So my question really is at what point are you the country of your birth and not your heritage?

Sisterly Advice

I once told my sister that she would get cancer if she stood in front of the microwave. This fact entered my consciousness as I just now stood in front of the microwave heating a sweet potato.

I hope it's not true.

I think I recall departing this sisterly advice because I wanted her to stop using the microwave as I wanted it all to myself for some long forgotten reason. But maybe I just wanted to scare her.

She refused to use the microwave for ages after that. And when she did she'd put her food in, set the time and push the 'start' button as she ran away from it, hiding around the corner until the ding signaling her food was ready. 

Now, as an adult in her own apartment I can report that she owns no microwave.  

Is 360 $ too much for an Italian class? And furthermore can I afford it?

Last year I made myself the promise that I would learn Italian this year by doing crazy things like spend 1/2 an hour every day studying one of the multitude of teach yourself Italian books and cds I have. And listening to pod casts and listening to the Italian radio station. Oh and going to Borders and purchasing children's books in Italian. And this is my favorite, choosing 10 vocab words per week, writing them on the chalk board and 'learning' them with my 2 year old. I never did this. Though I did teach her cocinella, ape and farafalla. In 8 months... I could have done better.

My first mistake was making a New Year's resolution to learn Italian. I never keep those. It didn't help that I called it'a year 2008' goal instead of 'New Year's resolution'. Come on we all know what it was. It was a thinly disguised attempt and hiding the fact I was setting myself up for failure.

I've listened to the podcasts. I've purchased children's books. I even have at 4 different teach yourself Italian book and cd sets. What it comes down to is that I need someone pushing me. I need to be held accountable.

So I searched for teacher led Italian classes.

Only one college in my area offers Italian. This school is half an hour away and classes are on weekdays at 6 PM. This is impossible due to my work schedule. I can't possibly get from SF where I work to Hayward by 6 pm.

The second option is a saturday class at an adult school. This would cost 200 dollars. But it's a saturday and the focus is on conversational Italian. I want to move to Sicily. I may need more than conversational Italian. Plus all my weekends would be occupado for 3 months. I'm not up to a Saturday class.

My third option is a class at the Italian Language Institute. It's closer. Only 15 minutes away. Conducted at 7 PM on Tuesdays'. This I could make. The downside is the class is only 6 sessions. Cost is 240 for the class and 120 for the text book for a grand total of 360 dollars. 360/6 = 60$ per class. It's a 2 hour class.

Is that reasonable? Can I afford it? I mean I have the money but will I regret dropping that kind of cash on a 6 week class? I guess the real question is, will I apply myself. I never did in school. That was the one consistent feedback I received from all my teachers from high school on.. Kelly is really smart she just doens't apply herself.

If I spend 360 I better have the best intentions of applying myself. Can I do it? Are there cheaper options? What to do. what to do.

Why San Francisco, you tease me so

Last week it was sunny and hot. Hot for San Francisco. This week it was hot then cooler and cooler still and now it's down right cooold. The grey misty lady lives up to her name. But I think she teases me. I wonder if I pull out my winter clothes if she will start churning out 90 degree weather again.

Most assuredly so.

I love fall. I love the colors and the smells. I'm looking forward to the summer cool down into Fall. Yet at the same time it's bittersweet because being originally from the valley I do love the heat of summer. We never really get that in SF. Those 90 degree days are the closest I come to my beloved 110 degree dry, hot, summer day. But the cooling is a sweet reminder that fall is coming.

What does it feel like to lose a friend

They are actually quite similar to the steps of death and dying.

1. Denial - creating arguments with yourself over reasons to try to keep this friend. Refusing to believe the relationship is not salvageable. What was it that made you such good friends in the first place? Focusing on how you could have that back again.
2 Anger - anger at being put in the position that you have to make a decision to cut a friend out of your life
3. Guilt - You know the relationship is over, but do they? You begin ending the relationship mentally, knowing that they have no idea why you are acting the way you are towards them.
4. Loneliness - You will mourn the loss of this friendship
5. Acceptance - Realizing the relationship is irrevocably lost... for good. And good riddance!

My personal story is that my work relationship with a friend ruined any personal relationship that we had. I blame work, but if I'm truly honest with myself the blame lies with the fact that we are in two very different places in our career and on our career path.

I still love her dearly. She turned me on to knitting. A practice I cherish. She is everything I am not; loud, outgoing, full of energy, able to think on a dime and spin a great story. Some of these qualities are what also makes it difficult for me to be around her.

But the straw was really work. She's hungry for money and power. She is not capable of going out for lunch without discussing work the entire time. She pushes people and not always in a good way. She thinks hers is the only right way and wants everyone to work for her.

I really can't stand to be around that. So while I will always cherish the fleeting friendship that we had I know it is truly over. I need no further evidence that the sweat I break out in whenever I'm trapped in an office meeting with her. My insides screaming to get me out of there! The fact that I never head to the elevators if I think she may end up in one with me. The fact that I refuse to attend all Friday lunch dates that have been established forever. My horror of horrors would be running into her in the bathroom... and being forced to speak. yes, it's over.

That Guy in yoga. The giver of dirty looks

I can't help but get a kick out of that Guy in yoga class who keeps giving me dirty looks. I understand why he's doing it, but it's silly all the same.

This is THE INCIDENT that spawned he of the dirty looks.

We all put out shoes, along with whatever other personal belongings we've dragged with us, against the wall in class. That fateful day I had my shoes, my phone and my water lined up against the wall. This Guy had his shoes and his shades a foot away from my stuff. After class I put my feet in my shoes, grabbed my water and phone and took off for my car.

As I'm driving out of the parking lot I see him chasing my car (dirty look Guy). I stop and roll down the window. He comes up and says his shades are missing and did I accidentally take them. I reply with, "no., Sorry I haven't seen them." He persists with," Are you sure? I mean they could have accidentally gotten into your bag." My response was something along the lines of. "I'm sorry I didn't see them. I didn't bring a bag. I only brought my shoes and my feet are in them."

In retrospect that may have been smart-assy of me. Ever since he's given me looks like he knows I have his shades. even though I do not.

The first few times in class after this incident I felt weird like I wanted to go up to him, and beg him to tell me that he knew I didn't have them and that all was well. But I did not. And now I'm sure he still thinks I stole his shades. Now I know to expect the dirty look every time I enter yoga class.

I joined Blogger

Why-eeee??????? because, quite simply, it seemed like the right time. I've been wanting to for a while and I have a jenky one over at another site. But, I barely keep up with that one. That means I don't really write in it ever. Mostly I use it so that I can stalk other peoples journals. :)

This will be my real journal. The one where I actually write down the thoughts in my head. I already do this of course. On paper. I like paper, you see. And lists. Lists are very important to me.

The format here will be mostly my ramlings. I don't expect people to really ever read this. People other than me of course. If people wander in here of course they are welcome to stay